I wasn’t looking to become a mother. Motherhood came to me. I mean, I guess that is what happens when you are married and aren’t always so good about “taking your medicine”, but still it came as a shock. I remember crying when I found out I was pregnant. Not the normal tears of joy that most women shed when they have been married for 3 years and find out their family will be expanding. But I was actually really scared (sidenote: I just realized that my last entry included me crying about the upcoming birth of my child. And again, they were not tears of joy. Really, I do love being a mom. I guess it has to grow on me a bit more than it does on others.) I had a a few friends with kids, and my sisters, of course. And though I loved kids, I found them to be extremely high maintenance. I saw people needing to cancel dinner plans because of their sick child. Or be up all night cleaning up throw up. And these kids weren’t going anywhere, it wasn’t like you have them for a week, or two, but for life! Who can ever decide that they are ready to take the step and make a decision that will forever change their life?! I just remember being glad that I was not in that boat. But I guess God knew I couldn’t make that decision, so it was made for me. And yes my life is forever changed.
The love for a child is a love that transforms you.
This Mother’s Day weekend was quite uneventful. Everyone in the house was sick. We had one baby throwing up, another with a high fever, I had a sore throat and was just feeling fatigued, and Brian got a cold. The day that was going to be celebrated with brunch on the beach ended up with family nap time being the highlight of the day. But do you know what? I didn’t want to be any other place. In fact, on Saturday night I wanted to go to church because I knew we wouldn’t be able to go on Sunday because of the sick kids. So, I was just going to go by myself. Piper was really emotional over me going. Not crying, but wanting to know all the details of when I was coming back and so on. And as I closed the door Tatum started crying. I got about one block before I turned around. Why was I going to go to church when my kids clearly wanted their mom? They didn’t need me. Everyone was happily playing blocks when I returned 3 minutes later. But they wanted me. They wanted their mommy, their nurturer, their caretaker and I wanted to be there for them. I wanted to be there with all their sickness instead of anywhere else in the world because I love them. I would cancel dinner if I needed to, I would do almost anything because there are few things in the world that are more important than my role as their mother. I may be mildly influential to my friends, and somewhat to my husband. But the role that I play in my girls’ life is priceless. There is no one in their first 18 years of life that will have spent as many hours with them as I have. Who would have thought that even the most difficult moments of my job (my worst day of teaching was easier than being sick and taking care of two sickies) would produce so much joy.
And so for Mother’s day I opened a new pair of TOMS and I got a fill-in-the-blank card from Piper (and Tatum too. Apparently, she did the crumpling of the paper). I think it was something Brian made up for his students. It read:
I am grateful that you are my mom because…(and that one was blank. Apparently, a tricky one for a 4 year old.)
My favorite thing that we do together is…playing
I love it when you make…crafts and you have even more stuff than me for crafts
You look really pretty when…you put make-up on
If I had a million dollars I would buy you…a special present like a story
I feel special when you…don’t go somewhere
And that is when I knew that I made the right decision by turning the car around.