Mr. Just Right

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I am married to the most wonderful man.  Really, I am.  He is totally  attractive on the inside and the outside (he still has a six pack even though I don’t think I’ve ever seen him do a sit-up. Makes you sick, doesn’t it? Sorry B, for embarrassing you ;)).  I remember when I first laid eyes on him (in the summer of 1998), I thought, that guy is really cute.  I came to think a lot of guys were cute in my first weeks of college.  Yeah, I even started my “Hot Guy List”.  Probably a bit boy crazy.  Anyway, Brian was on the list and made it to #1!  Some guys got less cute as I got to know them, but not Brian, he was on the list before I really knew him, but then he just seemed to get cuter and cuter so much so that I ditched the list!  I was going to call this entry “Mr. Perfect”.  It seemed fitting with the name of my blog and all, but he’s not perfect, he is, however, just right.  He tells me that I am the best mom and the best wife.  And yet, I know that other men out there think their wife is the best.  And I look around and think that I am the one who scored big time!  Yet my friends seem completely happy with their choices, so I have come to think that I am just right for him and he is just right for me.  We are big time nerds with splash of hippy mixed in there as well.  We love traveling in our VW van, no it is not from the 70’s.  I don’t think I would be able to handle a 30+ year old vehicle being that we only have one car.  I make my own deodorant, and am considering homeschooling.  That’s the hippy part.  As for the nerd part, we don’t have a T.V. (not sure if that is hippyish or nerdy), but anyway, when we want to sit and watch a show together, our go to program on our lap top is 60 Minutes.  We get excited about good deals, go to museums for fun and we sometimes pretend that our kitchen is a diner and we are the cook and waiter when we serve our kids a meal.  And that is why he is just right for me.

oh happy day

On Thursday, we will celebrate 9 years of marriage.  I really feel too young to say that, but it’s true.  And Brian has made the past 9 years fairly easy.  We haven’t had many rocky patches, but not to say that we won’t.  I really believe that a marriage is about giving your all to someone else without any expectation of what you want in return.  I have a hard time getting all the laundry put away at once, and I don’t wash dishes while dinner is still cooking like Brian does.  But Brian doesn’t hold that against me.  Instead, he usually offers to do dishes after dinner because he knows it is my least favorite chore.  He does it because he loves me, not because he loves washing dishes.  And I often find myself going to bed at 9:30, not because I am tired, but because Brian’s tired and doesn’t want to go to bed alone.  It’s what works for us.

We attended a marriage conference last year and this year and one thing that has been crucial in my relationships (not just marriage) is the idea that you can’t change someone.  Maybe I am going off topic now from praising my Mr. Just Right, but this little nugget of information has been so helpful to know and realize in our marriage.  This year, Gary Chapman (the author of The 5 Love Languages) said, “somethings cannot and will not change”.  I think that is so important to recognize because often times we want people to be more like us, to do things the way we do things, because they work for us.  You can get mad, you can get angry, you can even divorce, or you can just accept that that is who they are and remember why you married them.  Mostly likely, they have always had the same annoying quirks, but you were just so in love you were focused on all their good qualities.  Last year, the speaker, Roger Tirabossi, talked about personalities and basically Brian and I were similar in one area and totally opposite in another.  Roger said, “people who are outgoing tend to misplace things”.  Hello!  That’s me!  Over here!  I am looking for my keys, phone or wallet every time I leave the house.  But guess what?  People with outgoing personalities also have positive characteristics too.  He said, memorize at least 3 of their good qualities (he gave us a list of typical characteristics) and praise them on those things and also be aware of their weaknesses and don’t try to change them.  Why not?  Because “somethings cannot and will not change!”  I would start to become resentful if Brian told me every time I was looking for my house keys, “you know, if you just hung your keys on the hook every time you walked in the door like do we wouldn’t be doing this right now.”  But no he doesn’t do that.  He is calm and helps me look for them and doesn’t make a big deal out of it if I just grab his keys.  And I, (just to make things fair), I have accepted that I am a lucky woman because I have a husband who washes clothes.  I have to also accept, however, that if I am going to welcome the help of washing clothes, that I cannot get upset that multiple items of white clothing have turned pink and that towels may get washed with the girls’ new dresses.  That is how he has done it for the last 9 years, and I am sure that is how he will continue to do laundry for the next 9.

And so, Mi Amor, Goodies, Mr. Just Right, happy anniversary!  To the man who got equally excited as me about dumpster diving after seeing the movie Dive, who makes his own shin guards for his soccer game out of a yogurt container, cardboard, and string (see what I mean by nerdy), who takes the bus to work with some really interesting fellows sometimes.  And lastly, to the man who would rather spend time with me and our beautiful daughters more than anything else in the world.  I love you!

After getting kicked out of his soccer game for not having shin guards, Brian came home and made these. No money in the budget for shin guards, and so the next time the ref wants him to pull down his socks to see if he is wearing shin guards, Brian will get to flash him these bad boys!  This is why I think he’s pretty amazing, I mean, seriously, who does this?

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