the present

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written in the summer of 2012, but might be just what some of you with littles need to hear.

So, I know this isn’t news to anyone, but I really want to enjoy my kids and soak up this time because I know it isn’t going to last.  I’m getting sentimental these days because my baby is starting school and I don’t know where the time has gone.  I mentioned in my Mr. Just Right post that we were considering homeschooling.  And even though I was extremely critical of homeschooling 8 or so years ago, I have grown to love the idea of getting to be a teacher to my own children.  However, we have kind of (still afraid of saying definitely) decided to send Piper to kindergarten.  I could always homeschool starting in 1st grade and this way  I will have a year with my little Tater tot to do fun stuff with just her.  It really is the only time I could have this opportunity.  I get caught up sometimes in change and turn into a sentimental sap pretty quickly.  And then sometimes I get caught up in the future.  Where are we going to be in 3 years?  Are we going to have more kids?  I am okay with staying, I am okay with moving.  I am content with my 2 girls and would be happy to have more too, but I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE PLAN IS!  I am not so okay, content or happy with the unknown.

I’m kind of a believer, not always a follower, of Eastern medicine.  You may wonder where I am going with this, but trust me there is a connection.  I love looking at the body holistically and learning about how foods and different things affect our well being.  So I have been reading the New York Times best seller, Clean.  It’s very interesting and informative and that is the detox that I am currently on.  Now whether you would never do a detox or would never pick up a book, I think there is a lesson learned.  In his “Yogi” ways, the author began talking about meditation and the “energy of life” and it was so interesting!  He said (not exactly in these words) think about your hand, put your attention on your right hand, don’t stop reading, you don’t even have to look at it, but put your attention there.  Feel the temperature, and the edges of your fingers.  Feel if there is dampness or if it is dry.  Your hand was always there, but you weren’t feeling it.  You weren’t aware.  You only became aware once you put your attention there.  Your hand becomes your experience the instant you put your attention on it.  Now listen to this part!  “So we can conclude that wherever your attention is at any given moment will determine your experience at that moment.  The total experience of your life is the sum total of every one of those moments…When your attention is flowing into your hand, it stays in the present.  Your hand is right here in the now.  It’s not the thought of the hand, past or future.”

Whoa.  I don’t want that to be me!  I don’t want my reason for missing out on the here and the now to be because I am too focused on what happened and what’s about to happen.  I want to love them for the stages and ages they are right now.  We know that worrying about the future is fruitless.  There are so many unknowns and things out of our control that can disrupt the plan, but lingering in the past is just as bad.  Obviously we know this when we are dealing with unforgiveness and resentment, but I think even in the small ways of wishing and willing that my babies would stop growing and changing robs me some of the joys they can bring me right now, at this moment.  

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