Monthly Archives: December 2017

Instruction manual please.


I’ve had this blog post floating in my head for about a month now.  I was going to title it The Hardest Job in the World.  Do you know what I find to be the most difficult job?  Being the Tooth Fairy!  I can handle Santa.  He comes once a year and it is always on the same day.  Bam!  Got that one down.  Easter Bunny is a bit trickier because the date changes, but once I find the date out, we are usually good.  We don’t forget to leave a little gift for the kids, because we are all waking up and celebrating Easter.  Not that hard.  Then there’s the Candy Fairy.  Did you know there was a Candy Fairy?  Well, my super healthy friend has her kid put Halloween candy out and she exchanges it for money in the morning.  I can’t take on another role, so that’s a no go here.  In fact, I seriously told my kids last week that  they better eat all their candy because if it was still there tomorrow I was throwing it away.  Halloween was so 2 holidays ago.  They looked at me shocked and said, “But you said we should only have 1 or 2 pieces a day???”  Well, moms change their minds.  Now I am saying eat it or toss it.  Okay, but really, let’s get back to the Tooth Fairy.  Give me a break!  Who even came up with that?  It doesn’t even benefit the retail business!  The worst part, it can fall on an unassuming Monday, or a busy Saturday.  It can happen first thing in the morning, and you are supposed to still remember after they fall asleep.  Or it can happen right before bed, and you are supposed to have cash on hand.  I never have cash, which always poses a problem.  And can we all agree that teeth are gross.  I am definitely not sentimental about their teeth and have no interest in saving them.


So when this one lost her front tooth, it was a letter from her tooth fairy, Peter Pot.  (He’s related to Peter Pan.  She assumed all tooth fairies were girls, so I made hers a boy. 😉 ) and some spare change.  When she woke up she wasn’t exactly disappointed, but she did tell me that her friends get “slips” of money, not coins.

Anyway, THAT is what I thought the hardest job in the world was until a few days ago…

Brian came home from work with an Elf on the Shelf box.  There’s one thing you should know about us.  We don’t do “tradition”.  I am definitely not anti holiday cheer and festivities.  I love all of that kind of stuff.  I just don’t like to have to do something because it’s “tradition”.  That is just setting me up for a big ol’ cry fest when my kids move out and I spend my first holiday without them.  So, when he came in I said, “We should really give that to someone who would love that.”  We already have an elf on our shelf.  Piper made it in kindergarten out of a piece of 2×4 and I am perfectly happy with our nameless elf.  He doesn’t make a mess of the baking supplies in my kitchen.  He doesn’t mess up my toilet paper.  He is the perfect little elf who sits on a shelf.  We’ve made it this long without an “official” Elf on the Shelf and now we have to start?  A caution to all parents before buying this “Christmas Tradition”.  Do the math first.  Twenty-five consecutive days of being on the ball!  How old is your kid?  Three let’s say?  25×10, Can you come up with 250 cool tricks for your elf?  I can’t, and I don’t have time to consult Pinterest.  And who decided it has to start Dec. 1?  A few days before Christmas would suffice.

Well, somehow I was outnumbered, and we read the book that night, named him Radish and went to bed.  Clover really want the name Carrot, but we went with Radish because he is red.  And lo and behold the kids woke up and there was Radish still at the dining room table where we left him.  He got “sneaky” and moved at some point during the day.  It just hasn’t happened at night yet.

If I could write an instruction manual to parents it would include things like

Tooth Fairy:  Arrives when your child loses his/her first tooth only.  The other 19 or 23 or however many are in their first set are not that big of a deal.

Candy Fairy:  Yep, I bet you didn’t know it existed.  It’s better that way.  Just pretend he/she/it doesn’t

Santa:  He can come and bring gifts, but please, don’t have him bring too many because kids talk to each other, and well, we all aren’t doing that.

Easter Bunny: read above.  Same rules apply as for Santa.  Keep it simple.

Elf on a Shelf:  The elf has permission to find a cozy spot and stay there.  Feel free to move him occasionally.  But not too much, because remember kids talk to each other.IMG_3305

Radish had taken an interest in our paper chain this afternoon, and possible tomorrow too.  We’ll see.  For those of you who decided to skip the fairies, and Santa, and the Easter bunny.  I am sure you have been thought of as kind of “scroogy” but I’m starting to think you’re on to something.  We don’t know what we are doing over here.  It’s like an all or nothing gig, and I’ve been attempting somewhere in the middle which I can’t say has worked for us.